Cross Your Fingers

Three years ago, a pair of mourning doves nested in the hanging plant on our front porch. The doves—the parents alternated sitting on the nest and finding food—were rather large. Plus, being inexperienced with nests, I didn’t water the plant lest I disturb this miracle of nature. Needless to say, the plant died, stalks drooping downward, exposing the nest for blue jays or crows to come and steal the eggs. One of the doves sat on our porch railing for a full day, waiting, while my stomach ached.

Two years ago, a robin nested (stupidly, I might say) in our decorative, covered bird feeder right next to our fence, the fence being a favorite highway of squirrels and chipmunks. Knowing this, I was resolute in defending the nest. Upon finding it, I strapped the kids in the car and drove to the local hardware store to buy whatever it was they would say I needed. Armed with various nettings and wires, I trekked back to our home, parked the car in the garage, checked on the eggs, plopped the kids in front of the television, and headed back outside to begin the project as there was no time to waste. But in the thirty seconds I’d been inside, a chipmunk had stolen the eggs, one of which was splattered across our driveway.

Last year, a sparrow nested in the same hanging planter that once sheltered the mourning dove. There were three eggs and we waited and watched with butterflies day after day until one morning we found a baby bird fallen on our driveway just under the planter and no eggs or other baby birds to be found.

This year, another sparrow has come and nested in the planter closest to our front door. At first, Mama Bird was rather protective and each time we exited or entered or, God forbid, stood on our porch, she’d come swooshing through to get us to leave. But now it seems she’s become used to us and merely flies away to perch in the tree if we get too close. I have been watering that plant religiously and now there are six little eggs waiting to hatch. (Actually, one is quite large compared to the others, and also speckled; I’ve since learned this might be a cowbird egg and not good for the nest? If you know, please share.)

I feel that, in a sense, we are working together, Mama Bird and I. Each time I come out with the watering can, she leaves and watches while I take down the planter and her eggs, and water the soil around the nest. I rehang the planter and walk back inside, watching through a window as she returns to sit on her eggs.

This is our fourth straight year with a nest. Life has to win sometime, right?

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Meet: Our Collective Response

I’ve been writing every other Saturday for PDXX Collective, a group of women writers around the country, but mostly based in Portland, OR. Today, we offer a collective response to sexual assault in the military. Mine is below:

26,000. The number is just stunning. That’s 71 sexual assaults each day of 2012. In the U.S. military alone. If there was ever a time to use WTF, it’s after reading that.

It’s hard not to be angry that the man in charge of stopping sexual assault in the Air Force was arrested for sexual assault. Angry at the arrogance these people have shown—from the assaulters and rapists themselves to the brass who decided to either look the other way, overturn a ruling, or create and contribute to a culture in which those below them in rank thought that raping was OK. Lots of WTFs.

But all of that anger itself, even mine, makes me angry.

CLICK HERE TO FINISH READING MY RESPONSE, AS WELL AS THOSE OF MY FELLOW WRITERS.

Meet: My Mom

For Mother’s Day, an early Monday Morning Meeting:

My mom…

  • Was born and raised on the northwest side of Chicago and attended Catholic school there. (She will forever say the word “nun” with some disdain.)
  • Lost her mother to pancreatic cancer when she was a freshman in college; afterward, she dropped out to help at home with her younger siblings.
  • Became the first flight attendant instructor without a college degree at United Airlines by walking into her boss’s office and insisting she could do it, back when female employees were weighed and had to be single.
  • Earned her Bachelor’s and Master’s in Psychology while raising three children. She now works with mentally disabled adults and runs her own consulting business.
  • Forced us to sit and wait on the stairs Christmas morning until she’d made her first cup of coffee.
  • Loves ham. And also Red Hots.
  • Let us take one “mental health day” off school per semester, even as young children, way before anyone knew what the hell that was.
  • Used to pull pantyhose down over her head and chase us like a zombie, groaning, “I’m not your mother…”
  • Left surprise presents on our beds.
  • Attended all my softball games.
  • When I was 10, told me I could pick the new paint color for my bedroom, then tried to convince me that purple wasn’t a good color because it “makes people drowsy”; she painted the walls mint green. (Sorry, Mom, had to include that one.)
  • Cannot tell a story. Cannot. Tell. A. Story. (Neither can I, which is why I write.)
  • Once cried while we decorated the Christmas tree because “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” came on and it was her mother’s favorite song.
  • Once cried many times. (She’s a crier, though she cries with a look of apology—“Ohhhh, here I go again!”)
  • Ran, arms flailing, into the middle of a fight in which a boy was getting beaten up, then followed the boy home to make sure his mother knew he was having a hard time and needed support.
  • Leaves a comment on almost every one of my blog posts, purposely in a manner that it’s unclear she’s my mother.
  • Hosts our family for dinner many Sundays, and buys me free-range, organic meat (and makes sure I know it).
  • Pretends that offering my children three desserts (not a choice of three—three) is normal.
  • Simply cannot, for all her intelligence, pronounce “Netflix”; to her it will always be “Netflex.”
  • Taught me to laugh at myself (one of my favorite qualities in anyone).
  • Taught me to take myself seriously (one of my favorite qualities in myself).
  • Passed on to me her love of music, history, nature walks, back tickles, laughing, and tradition. Also her short legs and square feet. But I still love her.

Happy Mother’s Day.

She also dislikes having her photo taken, so here she is in 1948--68ish with Santa.

She also dislikes having her photo taken, so here she is in 1948/68ish with Santa.

Meet: Grandma’s House

The cherried curtains tickled her back, blown in by the breeze through the open kitchen window. She sat at the Formica table, her thighs stuck to the vinyl chair cushion, eating bologna, which she didn’t like, on bread covered with Miracle Whip, a tang that bit her tongue. The kitchen smelled like gas because of the range, unlike the electric range at her own house. (She will forever associate the smell of stove gas with Miracle Whip.) She picked off the bologna, deciding it was better alone than paired with something else she disliked. Made do.

Out the window, Grandpa sat in a metal folding chair, smoking under the cranberry tree. He ashed into an old soup can fixed to a rod, which was stuck into the ground. Grandma hung laundry on the umbrella clothesline. Upstairs, her brother read a hardcover found on a dusty shelf under the eave. When he could hold it no longer, he closed the book and slid off the bed, ran down the hallway past the dark empty room, plumbed for a toilet but housing none, and down the stairs to the bathroom. Made do.

The two skipped across the backyard in bare feet, careful to avoid the cranberries on the ground, to the corner where an old fence met a bramble of buckthorn. They stood on the fence and watched the railroad tracks, waiting, looking east toward the freight yards. Her brother hopped over and placed a nickel on the rail. Still nothing. When they tired of waiting, they jumped off the fence and ran around the house, past towering lilac bushes, to sit on the cement front steps and see what they could see.

They saw a garter snake slither between a crack in the steps. Saw a boy they didn’t know ride by on his bicycle, and didn’t wave. They saw a teenager’s legs sticking out from under his Datsun in the driveway across the street. Grandma called so they leaped up and ran through the front door. She twirled the mermaid ashtray on the glass living room table as she went by, he punched the number 7 on the rotary phone in the hall. In the TV room, they sprawled on the itchy carpet and colored in the books Grandma laid out. She colored her tree purple because there was no green. Made do.

Picnic in Grandma's backyard, 1981

Picnic in Grandma’s backyard, 1981. Ice cream and chocolate cake. Made do.

Love Letter to Writers

While earning an MFA in Creative Writing, I remember feeling out of place, thinking, “I love to write, I want to write, but I’m not the writer type.” I didn’t want to sit at coffee houses or attend poetry slams and it seemed to me that’s what most writers did. I didn’t enjoy pontificating about literature. I just liked to write.

Much of my attitude was immaturity—believing that people could be grouped so accordingly. And much was fear—thinking I had to fit inside the box, wondering if I could, instead of creating my own.

So instead of becoming a “writer,” I got a few jobs after grad school that could be perceived as writing jobs. I loved these jobs, and they whetted at least part of my writerly appetite. But I remember someone asking me when was the last time I wrote for myself, and I couldn’t remember. Years. This was atypical, as I’d been consistently writing poems and stories since elementary school.

The urge to write never went away. I just ignored it. It came in waves, a physical feeling akin to any craving. It just won’t quit for some people, and I’m one of those people.

While pregnant with my first child, I decided I would stay home. I really believed, and still do, that this was the right decision for me. But looking back at my trajectory, I can see clearly that I was probably, at least partly, finally giving myself permission to write. The Responsible side of me would be taken care of—what is more important and pressing than raising one’s children? Now, the Creative side of me could pursue its dream of writing a book.

In 2011, I joined SheWrites, an online writing community.  It was my first foray into the online world and I was nervous, had never even participated in a chat room and had no idea what the rules were.

The welcome was immediate. Maybe it’s the comfort of writing in semi-anonymity from our couches that allows us to be authentic and open. (The same comfort that allows some lesser people to rip others to shreds online.) But the same was true for the writers I met in person at the Backspace conference. In the writing friendships I have formed, there’s been no pretense. Writers share information, encouragement, and love, I’ve found, and I’m proud to (finally) call myself one of them.

I talked about all this last weekend with a writer-friend whom until then I knew only online. She was visiting Chicago from Kansas for her daughter’s soccer tournament and we planned to meet for dinner. I joked beforehand to my husband that I was going on a blind date. Only, when I walked into the restaurant and Hallie Sawyer called my name, and we hugged and said hello, there was no blind-date awkwardness. No fumbles, no silences. We picked up right where we left off online, and chatted for two hours before we even ordered. Then we talked for an hour more. We discovered our connection extends to her mother, who grew up with a distant cousin of my father’s in the same small Iowa town where my great-grandfather was born and raised.

It took writers to teach me who writers are. The stereotypes do exist—competitive snobs who seem to find no joy in the writing community. I read about them once in a while, I hear stories about them. I’ve just never met one. Mostly, of course, writers are people of all types from all places, sharing with each other a love to tell stories.

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